As part of our #HaveTheTalk campaign, we asked families to share their experiences of providing care and how they have the often difficult conversations about ageing.
Ella, Tracey and Linda talk about ageing and how that influences their family relationships across three generations. Linda discusses ageing and her care wishes. She shares her concerns with daughter Tracey and granddaughter Ella and insights from her relationship with her own mother in this touching and personal video.
The #HaveTheTalk campaign is removing the stigma surrounding the issue of ageing and care and encouraging families to have meaningful conversations about care planning. Find out more and download free personalised guidance and support from TakingCare.
Help and guidance for discussing care and support
We discussed with psychologist Dr Soha Daru why it is difficult to talk about ageing and elderly care.
Video transcript
Ella: We're all very close. Yeah, aren't we? Nana comes around every day to see us.
Linda: I do, I'm always there for you. Ella, how can I describe you? Well, you're a lovely little girl. I'm very proud of you and what you've achieved. And your Mum, my daughter, she's always working, aren't you? You're a hard worker, but I'm always there for you.
Tracey: You worry about everybody, including myself. I've always done what I'm doing now because you've worked, run around after us.
Linda: I like to know what you are doing as well, don't I? Because you are growing up, and your Mum keeps telling me you're growing up, and you don't need me like you did. It's just my way of keeping you here, inside. I'm not being nosy when I ask what you're doing at the weekend, Ella.
You've been very supportive when I had cancer, when I was a bit younger. And I had COVID, and you helped me through that, didn't you?
Tracey: I got you shopping. Oh, dear, that was a time. I remember you were really ill. All we hear about you is that you're old and "don't put me in a home". So we've had that conversation. You would never go in a home?
Linda: I can't say that, but to be honest, I felt old since my 60th birthday.
Ella: You've been saying that you're dying for since I've been born! You'll be like, "This is my last holiday, this is my last car."
Linda: You don't want to listen to me, and that's a problem. Old is when your wrinkles come, your eyes are not as sparkly as they used to be. Your gray hair comes. The first thing that you'll notice when you're older is the stairs. That's the first thing. Like Grandad, I can run up them at the moment!
You never want to discuss that part because you think it won't come. I was the same when I was younger. You think your Mum's always going to be there, but you know you don't want to see it. You don't want to look that far ahead because she lives for the day.
Aging gracefully is looking after yourself, basically keeping active, doing exercise what you can or what you enjoy, and just looking after yourself, going out, living life if you can.
So if I was on my own, I don't know what I'd do. I think I'd move in with your Mum. I've done my power of attorney, so all that's done. Don't put me in a home!
I like to be organised, and I don't want you to worry about anything when I die. And you don't want to burden other people with the care.
I think if you lived on your own and you have a personal alarm, you've not got no family visiting, then the alarm is the best fit. It's the best thing. Other than that, if you've got nobody coming in, you're gonna be on the floor for a long time if you fall. More peace of mind, isn't it?
I think I can talk about care because of the way we've grown up with each other. We see each other every day. I know she'll do her best for me and if she can't cope, I don't expect her to. What will be will be.
